


"Under that scruffy exterior, you've got a soft heart"

by CaiusG



Series: Reinhardt Hawke – "Under that scruffy exterior, you've got a soft heart" [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 07:34:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17483891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaiusG/pseuds/CaiusG
Summary: A duel, a fever dream and some conclusions...





	"Under that scruffy exterior, you've got a soft heart"

**9:34 Dragon – Kirkwall**

**_The Duel_**       

> Reinhardt’s diary:
> 
> " _Okay, let's dance! Fucking strong bastard! But not impossible. I hope if he dies, the Qunari will leave, and we live happily ever after ... Worse than this would not possible ever! This thought gave me the strength._ "

It seemed it will be a long fight.  
  
The Arishok was big, strong and experienced. Reinhardt smaller, but also muscular, and quick. They circled, tried each other. How much time has passed? Reinhard didn’t know how serious his injuries were and seemed the bloody giant is tireless. But he wanted to finish it already, he felt he could not stand for long.  

The Qunari attacked. Reinhardt dodged the blow, and the giant lost his balance. Hawke relieved for a moment, and made a mistake: instead of an immediate counter-attacking, he looked at where he assumed Anders. And the Arishok charged again. His sword pierced his side. Now, or never, Reinhardt _knew_ . He howled as the pain permeated him and nourished the anger. His eyes were in blood and the pain converted into rage and power. The rage filled him, and he embraced the rage.  
  
The mass around him, the Viscount’s hall, Anders’ terrified gaze...everything faded before him in the blood veil, nothing else was seen except the target. He did not feel pain anymore. He was the devastation. His muscles tensed as he rushed his opponent, and smashed the Qunari stomach. The Arishok staggered, but he did not die. The big bastard tried to get up and to strike back. But Reinhardt struck again. And again. With each stroke, he became stronger and stronger and the Arishok's every injury had fed his power. He felt unstoppable. Bloodthirsty. He raged. Then ... ended.

The big bastard lay on the ground. He pointed to Reinhardt and coughed _"One day, we shall return"_.

Reinhardt just stood, and as if waking up from a dream, he looked around. Everyone celebrated his victory, but he didn’t see anyone but Anders, who tried to heal him. His body was crushed, but he smiled at him: _"I’m okay, don’t worry love"_ , said his smile.

And the Knight-Commander, who missed the fun, with a forced, hostile smile on her face, declared him to “Champion of Kirkwall”. Seeing the face of the Knight-Commander, he felt satisfaction – well, not that satisfaction, like if she was lying on the floor instead of the Arishok (or beside him), but this also was worth it. He looked around with a proud smirk.

Outward, on the stairs, Reinhardt's legs couldn't keep him up, he staggered.

Anders wrapped his arms around him. _"Come, Love, lean on me!"_

 

**_The Dream_ **

Reinhardt didn't know how much he slept, but it was dark when he suddenly woke up. His body, the bed were soaked with sweat and blood, his feverish dream flashed in his mind.

_The Arishok’s blade. The pain. The blood. The anger. The ecstasy. The power. His first battle, The fall, The dwarf, The dragon blood. The ritual. The power. The Templars. Justice. Ella. Anders. Justice. Anger._

He already understood it!

He always wanted to understand and help. And finally, he got an answer.

 

**_The Consequences_ **

Reinhardt sat up excitedly. With the sudden movement, a sharp pain stabbed his side –  the fresh wound ruptured. Reinhardt noiselessly swore, but Anders woke up beside him.

He looked at him with concern, and gently pushed him back to the pillows. _"Lie back, love. You're still feverish",_ stated. His hands glowed as he started to heal him.

Reinhardt sat up again, though this time more cautiously. He took Anders's hand and looked into his eyes.

 _"Don't fear him, love! Don't fear Justice!"_ He spoke excitedly.

 _"Calm, Reinhardt… what do you speak about? Did you have a nightmare?"_ Anders looked at him worriedly and continued. _"About Justice?"_ He lowered his head. _"I knew it should never have happened... I'm sorry,"_ he whispered.

 _"Not… or… yes, but it’s not like that, don’t worry, it’s good!"_ He talked fast and squeezed his hand _"Listen to me! Perhaps I can help… with Justice."_

 _"You? How?"_ Anders wondered, and put his hand to Hawke’s forehead.

_"I know it sounds crazy… I’m not even a mage, but I suppose I understood. At least... something. Just listen… I  don't know, where I to start… Perhaps… So, you told me, you think, your anger corrupted Justice, and now, you fear him and try to hold him back. But after that... incident… in the Fade... you said you felt, how he feels in the mortal world, trapped in your body..."_

_"I’ll never forget that moment. I … I didn’t want to attack you, to hurt you. But Justice… I just wanted to stop him… and it was over. And I accused you...."_

The warrior took his face in his hands. _"Look at me. It was not Justice’s fault, not your fault. It was me. I said you: I wanted to trick that demon, but the truth is that it tricked me. I was not able to resist. I was not myself. I… I should have told you a long time ago, but I was not able... I was ashamed to admit."_

 _"Did you..."_ Anders looked at him horrified.

 _"No",_ Hawke answered quickly, _"course not, what I said about Feynriel, is true, he went to Tevinter, and I killed the sloth demon. I just… almost let it possess the boy. When I realized what I did… I hurt you… for… nothing. I thought about many times, I can’t forget it. I saw my weakness, and it frightened me. This is the Harrowing?"_

 _"In the Fade, it’s similar, but behind your powerless body, the Templars wait for a sign to killing you. And you know that."_ The faint blue light broke through Anders’ skin.

 _"Sorry."_ Reinhardt leaned over and kissed him.

Anders turned away. _"No! I can't control Justice."_ He wanted to stand up, but the warrior didn't let him. _What if I'll turn against you?… Again? I’m a---"_

 _"You’ll not. This is different from what was in the Fade, I feel. Let me explain, what I think. It’s about your memory now, your old pain – that was about Feynriel and a demon. Justice thought he’s in danger. Justice tried to protect him – yes, against me."_ He took a big breath and continued. _"And he was right about it, I know. I was not myself at that moment. But now, nobody threatens you. Justice will not turn against me. I’m not in danger. Don’t worry, love, don’t turn away, come closer!"_

The mage shook his head. _"You always see the best in me... but I’m not what you want to see in me, not anymore."_ He sighed, but the blue glow faded. _"I didn’t tell you everything. About my escape from the Wardens. A Templar, from Kinloch Hold, followed me and joined the Wardens to watch me, and catch me. Justice and me, we’re merged already. Rolan, the Templar convinced them I’m a danger. I had to run away again. And they persecuted me. Again. Templars and Wardens. They got me, I fought. I bleed from 1000 wounds – and then ... everything was dark. I saw only flashes of a massacre I did. It was a rampage, madness – Justice… I killed them all… Killed? No… I ripped them apart. When I was myself again, I… No… I was never myself after this. I’m an abomination. I know."_ Anders looked up at Reinhardt's eyes. _"Now, you know too."_

To his surprise, Reinhardt wasn't frightened ... on the contrary ... he was thrilled. He felt it – and he was right!

 _"This is the point, where I think, I can help… maybe. I hope."_ Added. _"Just listen to me! I’m not a mage, and I don’t have any experience or knowledge of the spirit possession. But that feeling is familiar to me… yes, yes, probably not exactly this feeling, but similar to my first experience... Listen… I just started to learn my skills, when in a battle I lost in my rage. I don’t even remember, what happened. Just the bodies, and the massacre. We won, but I was scared. I wasn't able to use my skills for a time. I thought I’ll lose myself in the blood rage. And then I remembered my trainer’s words: Embrace your rage, it’s your best friend in the battle, a part of you, just like the dragon blood. Control your rage, respect the power, but don’t be afraid – because the fear will tear apart you, consume you."_

Anders' eyes widened. _"Did you say---"_

_"Yes, I did. You and Justice, already one, yes? So, embrace your Justice part! It sounds crazy yes? I said… But he will not just disappear. I think you can decide: you'll fear him, fight him or accept him. He's a part of you. You can’t fight against yourself – without hurting yourself. But you can control yourself!"_

_"But I can’t, you saw, not once."_

_"I saw, you lost in your anger, just like me. So: let’s control it. Did you say, your anger turned Justice into Vengeance – then turn him back! Control your anger!"_

_"I wish it would so simple! You don’t understand!"_

_"Then let me understand! Explain to me, why not? And what’s your solution? To fear yourself in your whole life? Kill yourself? Rather than try to live in peace with yourself? To suppress Justice’s sound in your head? But you fear he will suppress your voice, and takes over you… You said, in the Fade, you understood what he feels in the mortal world – trapped in your body… If you want to suppress his voice, he will not want to break out and take over you? If you fight him, he will not fight you? And who will win this fight? What do you want? Let me understand! Perhaps I’m not right, but one thing is sure: I don't want to lose you."_


End file.
